Yesterday I not only stayed under my calories, but my boyfriend and I rode all around town from 9:30am to 2pm!  With the stopd here in there we actually did 2 hours of riding!! I’m a little sore today but very proud. Today we are doing lots of cleaning and yard work and going to bbq this afternoon, I made a delicious veggie and white bean salad as a healthy side dish to our chicken legs which are marinating now.

I have no idea why that picture is coming up so tiny, but oh well! Anyway, we are busy get the house together because after I work tuesday we are off ALL week and going to Santa Barbara for a concert and then to Disneyland!!! We will be back on Saturday, hopefully after going to the Getty museum too. Hope everyone has a great day!


Yesterday was insane! Found out that my grandmother is having heart surgery this coming Friday and was a nervous wreck. After work my boyfriend and I went on a big bike ride and stopped for dinner at a pizza place, I did really well. I ate a small side salad and 2 small slices of thin crust pizza. After dinner we stopped by the mall in town, I needed a new bra. Bought it at the shop for plus sizes and that was the first time I’d been in a store like that for myself. It was a hard pill to swallow, but it fits great and so I just need to get over it.

We walked outside the mall, and what do you know. My boyfriend’s bike had been stolen. They had been locked together to a bike rack, and the idiot that did it should have taken mine (an antique schwinn worth about $700) but they took his $100 one from target. Anyway, it was the last bit of bad news I could keep in and so I cried like a baby outside the mall, on a Friday night in fron of one lonely bike.

Called the police, they never came. Called my parents, they were there in 20 minutes with the truck to take us home. They then called us from target and we met them there in our car and they bought my boyfriend a brand new schwinn!!  I’m so lucky to have not only a wonderful boyfriend that makes me so happy, but parents that see how great he is and are able to help him out. I know it is “just a bike” and I shouldn’t have gotten so upset but it was so just too much at once to handle. Bike riding is one way of exercising that we get to do together and we both really enjoy it, so it was super creepy to think of a stranger out there on his bike! Lots of stresses piling up on each other  so it was nice to kind of be rescued. Normally I think I would have turned to food or had a big beer but instead we just went home and talk about everything going on and it felt really good. (It felt really great once my parents called and asked us to meet them at target to pick out a new bike!)

She’s a beauty! Or he?! Well regardless of gender, we both love it.

OK back to reality… my breakfast this morning was 1 cup of coffee w/ 2% milk, 1 banana and 1 small mini wheat bagel with 1 tsp. peanut butter. 321 calories in all.

I’ll be back after lunch.

So I didn’t get out of bed this morning until 6:30, my goal was 6:00. I wasn’t however just sleeping in. How do I put this delicately… I spent some quality time with my boyfriend and burned a few calories that way 😉

Speaking of that awesome man, he made me breakfast. Well he cut up a banana into 3/4 cup of Kashi Go Lean cereal with a nice cup of coffee! He is good. He even measured it out so I would know how may calories (194 total).

I’ll be back after lunch!

So my grandmother had to go to the emergency room this afternoon, I found out at work. She has been in and out a couple times after about a week stay a month ago because her heart decides to race at random moments. It gets as high as 225 beats per minute, resting. The cardiologist had been hoping to control it with medicine, but after todays episode, they may have to perform a surgical procedure to cauterize the part of her heart that is malfunctioning. So yeah, what started as a great day got very stressful. My whole family is very worried about her and I’m just trying to stay positive.

I see my Nana, and her health problems as more motivation. She has been obese her entire adult life. She has had to have both hips, and both knees replaced, and she is only 74 years old. I work with a woman who is 74, she is still working! My Nana wants her children and us grandchildren to learn from her mistakes. She told me so, she told me how being fat and hating yourself and worrying about your weight is no way to live, only a way to leave.

I canceled dinner with my friends since I didn’t know if I would be at the hospital or not after work, but in doing so I overindulged at work when there were beef taquitos (I ate 6, 420 cal.) and chips (a bowlful). Adding it all up I went 244 over my daily budget, consumed 1759 calories, burned 135 with exercise and so my net for the day is 1594. Not bad considering I can eat that in a meal, or drink it in an evening. But I also don’t want to settle with “not bad”, I want and deserve better. I’m refusing to wallow in my lapse in judgement. I am still going to consider this day a success and move on to a new day tomorrow. I work 8-4:30 tomorrow, I’m waking up at 6am, doing a 30 minute exercise routine (hulu, wii or yoga dvd). After work since we will have a few more hours of sunshine my boyfriend and I can go for a big bike ride. My goal is to burn at least 250 calories in exercise for the day. I will post pics of my meals and stay positive.

-This must work!

yes, exclamation point! I feel I need one 🙂

  Just got back from my lunch break. I ate leftover stew and 10 saltine crackers, I splurged and also had one small chocolate chip cookie. I know I shouldn’t have but I’m actually quite proud of myself for just having one and being able to leave the rest alone. The stew consisted of red potatos, carrots, cabbage, beef and zuchinni. No second trip back in the kitchen to graze for more food. After putting in all of the ingredients of the stew, the crackers and the cookie lunch comes out to 541 calories. I am full but not uncomfortably and I will consider it a success!!

Ta da:

Since work is the place I spend majority of my day you would think it wouldn’t have taken me 4 years to figure out that I should probably stock up on some healthy items and leave them in the fridge here and at my desk in case I miss breakfast, hunger strikes, or I’m tempted to eat the donuts brought weekly. Donuts, by the way, are gross. I don’t even like them and yet I find myself mindlessly snacking on them when they are brought to work and I am hungry.

So I went to target this morning on my way to work and bought 100 calorie fruit cups, cheddar rice cakes (which I love), hummus, baby carrotts and bananas. Each snack is about 100 cal. so should fit right in and help me stay around 1350 calories per day.

After my workout this morning I made a toasted mini wheat bagel, wtih one (measured) teaspoon of chunky peanut butter and a smoothie made with 2/3 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries and 1/2 cup of milk. With my cup of coffee the whole meal came out to 318 calories.

See you after lunch!

Woke up at 5:45 to take my boyfriend to work and decided to forgo my usual routine of getting back in bed as soon as I am back home and trying to squeeze in an extra hour of sleep (which usually just makes me even more tired when I wake up again). I thought about this blog on my drive back to the house and how last night I wrote that I wanted to get up and do wii fit or my yoga dvd this morning. I knew I wanted to do some sort of aerobic activity, so I went on and went searching for some workout videos. There are tons, I’m super excited about it! I found the Self channel which has workouts ranging from 40min to an hour, but before I came across those I attempted a 30 minute cardio workout from Exercise TV, holy crap! It was so intense, I finished 10 minutes of it and thought I would die! Haha! It made me feel better after reading a few reviews that people saying they are at an intermediate level had points where they struggled. Not wanting to just have a 10 minute workout I kept clicking away. I did the arms workout by Jillian Michaels and finished off with a 20 minute cardio yoga, which I really enjoyed and was proud of myself for being able to semi keep up (when she says speed it up, I stayed at the same pace lol).

I had been thinking about getting cable because I wanted to do the exercise shows on demand, but this is way better and did i mention FREE!! I’m too self conscious to get into a class or in the gym just yet so I really hope I can incorporate this into my daily routine and find a few that really challenge me and keep me coming back. Tomorrow I want to try one of the videos from the folks at  SELF magazine :

OK well one goal down! I feel slightly optimistic already! I don’t work for another 3 hours so I am going to make a healthy breakfast and lunch for me to take to work. After work at 7 I am meeting two friends (two gorgeous and very skinny friends) for dinner. I have already decided to have some sort of salad, dressing on the side and NO BREAD!  I’ll post again after breakfast or lunch.

Thanks for reading,

This must work

Well I stuck to one goal for the day and logged back in now that I am home from work. Came home and vented to my boyfriend for about 45 minutes about how stressed I am at work, with my weight, etc. He is simply amazing, he tells me he will do whatever he can to help me, I just need to let him know. A big thing is healthier eating and being more prepared when I am at work, so that the stress doesn’t lead me to binge on fast food when I’m exhausted on my lunch hour Knowing I have his support helps me feel like I’m worth making good choices on. Today was one of those days where after I ate lunch I felt terrible. Physically and emotionally. I get to the point where I think, “what’s one more drive thru?” but after I know I don’t really feel that way. The logical part of my brain knows it is a bad choice, it is against everything I am trying to achieve. I just need to try and stay more conscious of these choices and really be prepared. I also know it helps me when I start right. If I eat a healthy breakfast I’m much more likely to stick though it til lunch, then dinner. A bad breakfast, and I already think, “what the hell, I’ve already ruined the day”. I obsess about food. What to eat, when to eat it, when will I eat next, how many calories, should I eat it? Is it worth it? These thoughts are on constant rotation in my head and I really need to focus on seeing food as fuel for my body and something to be enjoyed but not as a reward or obsession.

So yeah, lots to think about but tomorrow is a new day and I’m going to approach it as such. I want to wake up with a smile, do my yoga dvd or 30 minutes of wii fit and have a healthy breakfast. I also need to plan what I will eat for lunch. I am going to be using the Lose It program on my iPhone again to track my calories and exercise habits. A weeks view might prove very insightful!

Dinner this evening was delicious and made me feel a lot better about the day as a whole; tilapia with dijon mustard, steamed broccoli sprinkled with reduced fat cheese and a small salad. Small step, but a step forward and not a big gigantic leap back. One step at a time. I love to cook, and I know when I am in control of what I’m making it is MUCH healthier than anything I could get out.

I’m back. I know I keep saying that but this time I mean it! I’m back to blogging every day and every meal. You all are going to be sick of me by the time (if I’m ever) I’m at my healthy weight. I keep falling into these cycles of terrible eating habits and behaviors. I keep putting it off til next week, or Monday or Saturday to start back in..yet I just keep getting bigger and bigger. Today I have had it!

 I gorged at lunch, these feelings of regret, disgust, worthlessness all come after I binge or eat fast food. I just consumed like 1500 calories of Wendy’s garbage. I feel bloated and sick and this canot work, this is no way to live! I feel like I could just cry today, at my wits end. If this truly is “it” then why can’t I make it work. Why can’t I be stronger?! I feel so helpless and that leads me to feel even lamer becuase so many people have it so much worse and they are able to lose weight, and keep a healthy lifestyle. I don’t know what else to do. I need advice on how to stay on track with eating healthier, what do you do when you find yourself hungry and wanting to make the easy choice to eat fast food. For some reason it should be enough to know that it is horrible for me, will make me feel like shit afterwards, will make me fatter,  is workign against EVERY single thing I want in life.

Whew… OK sorry to have come back with such a rage. I will try to post more tonight after I am off work. Please, if you read this, I need your help.


I’ve just not been doing anything good for my diet, or new way of not eating well, as it seems lately. BUT! I am back on track as of today, so I decided to post that I will be psoting more! Stay tuned…


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